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Would you rather?

Posted On: January 19, 2022


 I am writing you, after spending an extended weekend, with some of the most important women I have in my life. These women (me included) play wholeheartedly within the range of friendship – meaning – we love big, we hold each other up, we push a little, we challenge a lot, we cry a bunch, and we laugh like we’ve never laughed before. It is a friendship of the heart. Sadly, the last year and a half kept us apart with new means of finding connection – zoom and text messaging – which left our hearts feeling even more disconnected. We were like a sweet stuffed animal that has been ripped at its seams, all the fluff and puff pulled out, just an empty carcass of what was once filled with so much life.  Moments of division, moments of confusion, moments of lack, moments of misunderstandings – left us fighting. And I, admittedly, played a big part in this division by drawing lines, getting defensive, and needing to be right.
            One early morning my first thought was “would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?” For a long time, I chose to be right. Yes, being right offered me feelings of control when my life (and this world) felt out of my control. Being right meant someone else was wrong.  Being right made me feel justified for my actions (and reactions) and it made me feel a sense of superiority. Honestly, none of this felt good. Instead, it felt like I had created a fortress around the castle of my heart- brick by brick and stone by stone – a wall grew that kept people out and kept me safely inside.  In my castle of right, there would be no getting in without a battle. Thankfully this did not happen because I have good friends. They were willing to walk up to the door and knock, while I was willing to listen. They reminded me of what I had forgotten, castles are meant for masked balls, celebration, and coming together.
So down went the sword and I surrendered…
give over to love because happiness is a choice like any other. The choice to be right or happy shows up constantly throughout our relationships to others, to ourselves, and even in our yoga. This feeling that we have to get the pose “right” or we have to “control” the outcome- Low seat, square hips, lifted heart – getting it right can remove all that good squishy stuff that keeps us warm and soft on a long cold pandemic.
So next time there is some friction in your life, I ask you what’s been asked of me, “would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?”

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Want more info on why to choose happiness….
Read this article from Psychology Today.

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